Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
