YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize