You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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