I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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