i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
