found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
