im drinking this country out of the recession.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
