He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
