If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
