we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
