Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
