ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize