no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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