The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
