Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
