if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
