Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
