I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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