He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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