oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
