"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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