Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
