i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize