you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Someone signed my nipple.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
