I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
