i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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