I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
