I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
