Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
