I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
