So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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