So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
