you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
