I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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