He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
