I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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