I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
