i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
a search helicopter?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came so hard my ears popped.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
