Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
