:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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