Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dick very happy bro
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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