when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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