not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
