I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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