Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
