I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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