He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want to fling myself into the sun
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
