How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
