Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
