Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
