if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
