She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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