i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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