so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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