You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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