is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
