I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
