is your mom at the bar?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
