I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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