i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
