I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
