she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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