i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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