He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
