Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
