my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize