i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
