omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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