Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
