The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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