She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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