My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
