You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
