...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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