Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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