I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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