You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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