I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
