I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
