and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
