i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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