Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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