Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
