Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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