sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
