my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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