His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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