I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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