I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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